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Italian waiter with normal sized pepper mill disappoints hen party
A hen party was shocked into silence this week as the Italian waiter serving their pizzas produced a standard three inch pepper mill leaving the group of girls unable to hide their disappointment. No...
View ArticleBride concedes stunning cousin looked better on the day
Despite the fairytale wedding of her dreams to her childhood sweetheart, newlywed Emma Rogers admitted today that she was outclassed on her wedding day by her highly attractive cousin. I always knew...
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‘Perfect wedding’ photographs ruined by cloud shaped just like giant penis
The glittering wedding of Tabitha and Gordon Fitzroy was tarnished yesterday after the presence of a cloud shaped like an enormous penis literally cast a menacing shadow over the family photographs....
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Woman warns against clicking ‘I accept’ button on marriage website
Debbie Sanders, 26, of Chatham, warned today against the dangers of a new web-based marriage service. ‘My boyfriend Jason had suggested trying it out, so I went online during my lunch break to see what...
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Conservatives and Lib Dems unmasked in sham marriage clampdown
A Church of England crackdown on sham marriages has raised fundamental questions about the union of David Cameron and Nick Clegg who were married in a civil ceremony in May last year. ‘Unfortunately...
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Comment: Why my first four marriages are the ideal preparation for a fifth
If you’ve applied for a job and the company is weighing you up against the other candidates, what do they look for? Potential? A nice suit? A certain je ne sais quoi they’re prepared to wager the...
View Article‘Don’t Tell the Groom’ is a TV flop
A follow up to popular TV show ‘Don’t Tell the Bride’ has been cancelled after the first episode of ‘Don’t Tell the Groom’ failed to generate the same sort of emotional tension. The pilot episode of...
View ArticleSevere punishment agreed for non-Scots wearing kilts at weddings
Any non-Scottish people caught wearing kilts at weddings face at least ten years’ hard labour in a Polish prison under a new EU ruling. Sales of kilts as far south as Devon have increased ten-fold in...
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New bride threatens daily wedding photo updates until she is pregnant
Recently married Kate Hughes, 29, from Clapham, has pledged to modify her profile picture on a daily basis until she is 12 weeks pregnant. Initially angered that new husband Sean had not even updated...
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Britain’s first multiplex church opens in Uxbridge
The Church of England has hit back in the fight against dwindling congregations with the grand opening of Britain’s first ever six-pulpit multiplex church. Situated in Uxbridge’s prestigious new...
View ArticleNewlyweds Trump and Fury to adopt Syrian orphan
Happy couple Donald and Tyson Trump-Fury are to adopt a Syrian orphan, it has been confirmed. Posing for photographs outside a drive-thru wedding chapel with a small child of middle-eastern descent...
View ArticlePile of cash worried Jerry Hall may have married for love
An enormous stack of used notes owned by Rupert Murdoch today confessed to experiencing jitters over its marriage to former model Jerry Hall, saying it wasn’t sure at first whether Hall’s feelings were...
View ArticleKate Winslet splits from third husband [Embargoed until summer 2017]
Oscar-winning actress Kate Winslet has announced that she and her third husband, Ned Rocknroll, will be going their separate ways. Winslet’s two former husbands, Jim Threapleton and Sam Mendes, are...
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God now speaking regularly to non-religious couple wanting church wedding
God is now communicating with a previously non-religious couple who would like to get married in a church. According to Gary Parker, this is a huge coincidence, and the timing has nothing to do with...
View ArticleThe ‘one’ it ‘always was’ quits due to stress
Harold Robson, 57, has quit his post of making true the popular observation that ‘There’s always one, isn’t there?’, citing stress and exhaustion from overwork. Robson has spent a frantic career being...
View ArticleChurch of England to offer ‘open marriage’ ceremony
The Church of England has announced plans to introduce an ‘open marriage’ option to its wedding ceremony repertoire, for couples who plan on immediately cheating. The move was inspired by the recent...
View ArticleWedding invite prioritises presents over attendance
Recently engaged Matt Simmons and Laura Yates have broken tradition and have asked guests to think more about giving than receiving. The decision was made after a rigorous cost-benefit analysis,...
View ArticleHarry & Meghan’s prenuptial agreement to include Canada
It has come to our attention that Prince Harry is being forced to have his future wife sign a prenuptial agreement. According to “inside sources”, the terms so far state that ‘in the event of a...
View ArticleAmber Heard marries large pile of money
Model-turned-actress-turned-model-again Amber Heard has today married a big pile of money. Heard, who has previously had relationships with various men with big piles of money, said she had found that...
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Conservatives and Lib Dems unmasked in sham marriage clampdown
A Church of England crackdown on sham marriages has raised fundamental questions about the union of David Cameron and Nick Clegg who were married in a civil ceremony in May last year. ‘Unfortunately...
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